I am particular with books. Not about the authors, or type of books, no. I am particular about the physical condition and presence of books. I do not like pages folded, do not like bend ridges, do not like lots and lots of side notes. Highlights and annotations are okay for certain books. I keep bookmarks, several of them, and for a while only use proper bookmarks exclusively. I love the smell of paper, love the texture of the paper from older books. Love the sight of beautiful hard cover books and admire the equally beautiful bindings.

Given my peculiar liking of books, at some point it became clear that I could not fully enjoy reading them. I had limited time to read at the desks, which means books would have to be stuffed in bags and potentially get pages folded. Reading while drinking means it would get wet and dirty every now and then. It was difficult to read hard cover books; too heavy to carry around, and too much care would need to go into it to allow it to be pleasurable. It was quite sad…

Even though Kindle and Nook had been out for a few years, I wondered whether I could switch to reading on a device rather than holding a real book in hand. I didn’t think I could.

Then I got a Kindle. What convinced me? All the free classic books available on Kindle for one. I always wanted to read more books. Being able to read for free without walking out the door is nice. And not having to throw books away every few years, not having to move 10+ boxes of books every time I move is a very attractive idea. Being able to have access to my entire library anywhere as long as I have acess to computer? Who could say no to that?

But it was still a question if I would enjoy reading. It took a bit of adjustment at first. Holding a physical book on one hand, and Kindle in the other. Switching font style and size and spacing for quite a while until I found “my” comfortable type. I didn’t expect having the option to change fonts was that important to me, and finally, reading. It is quite a different experience from reading a physical book for sure. But I think Internet changed all that. Most people are used to reading in digital format, like the webpages, e-magazines, articles, news online. After getting used to reading on computer monitors, reading on e-link is drastically easier on the eyes. And having a dedicated device for reading, it shields me from the distractions of emails and other websites.

After about two days of reading on Kindle, I found some extra benefits. First, I can carry it everywhere. Even big thick books are light enough. Second, I can buy a lot of cheap books without regret, because a lot of them are free and they do not take up spaces! Third, I don’t need to worry about spills or oily fingerprints any more. And although I cannot use my personalized bookmarks any more, it does save my reading spot automatically. Oh, and being able to try out samples first is especially great. Because being ebooks, it is not just the content that is important, but little things like table of contents, layout for paragraphs and chapters, pictures, spelling errors, all suddenly became a concern we normally take for granted.

After finishing the first book on Kindle, I can honestly say that I enjoy reading all over again. And this time, it is about reading and enjoying the contents, not about books any more.

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Why would a developer need to lift any weights?  I am not into physical labor.  And being a petite female developer, that 25lb requirement is almost a prejudice.  But, so far, that requirement is just a fine print; I never had to lift any weights.

There are occasional exceptions.  I remembered when our company first moved to this new office, people were rearranging furnitures themselves.  I pushed and shoved a metal bin from one side of the cube to another.  I didn’t know if that was 25lbs or not.  Overhead bookshelf was blocking my monitors, so two very nice teammates helped me to take it down and re-install it to the other side of the wall.  I forgot to tell them it was full of technical books inside when they rolled up their sleeves and started taking it down…  One of them was almost crushed.  *gulp*.  I was sure that was more than 25lbs.

Agility is never on the job description, but sometimes a developer has to be.  Being a technie, we don’t wait for office service or the IT guys to help us troubleshoot computers.  So, sometimes, the troubleshooting goes down the desk and behind dusty computers; that means crawling and bending into strange shapes, which one could get stuck backing out or get tangled in the power cord spaghetti.  If you can’t bend like a presto, you are screwed.  Also beware of the year old dust accumulated behind the computers/corners/server rooms.  I sometime wonder if we should wear a toxic suit, or at least some masks just to be under the desks. You never know what you are inhaling there.

If you have never worked as a developer before, now you know that part of the job description.

I could have saved the money to get a new gadget every couple months.  Yup, it’s that expensive.  But what I got back from the whole thing is priceless.

Let me tell you my story.

I have never been overweight my whole life.  I had the opposite problem ever since I grew up; I had always been underweight.  Being petite in size and underweight, it meant there were a lot of sports I couldn’t do.  I couldn’t shoot balls from free throw line because I couldn’t jump high enough and my arms were not strong enough.  I couldn’t play volleyball well because well, again, lack of strength.  I couldn’t run very fast though my endurance was better than average in HS.   After college, my exercise level went down to almost zero.  The result was actually quite similar to people who are overweight.  I lacked energy and was easily tired.  With that, I wasn’t able to enjoy outdoor activities as much.  I wasn’t happy about not being able to go outdoor more, and became self aware that despite me being underweight, I was continuing to lose muscle and gain fat.  After a number of years, I no longer wore skirts or dresses because I did not like how I looked in them.  In a way, I quit being a girl.

At some point in life, I decided enough is enough.  I wanted to change this and I thought that I can.  I didn’t exactly know what I wanted to achieve at the end.  My goal was just to lose a bit fat, gain some lean muscles, and gain weight while doing it.  I didn’t even know how to get there.  I just made up my mind last December, that’s what I am going to do.

I signed up for 24 Hours Fitness on December 31st last year (early start on New Year’s resolution), and decided I wanted and needed a personal trainer to help me get started.  Before that, I hadn’t exercised  for 8 years.  I mean, I hadn’t walked for more than 20 min at a time the past 8 years, and that happened probably 2 times a year max.   I didn’t know what exercise I should do, how long I should do, how to increase the load so I wouldn’t hurt myself.  So, I did; I signed up for personal training.

First session was hard.  I was breathing heavy, sweating like a pig, and heart racing so fast that I lost track of it.  I was in a bad shape; I didn’t think I would be able to come back for the 2nd session.  Luckily, my trainer was a young guy who’s energetic, encouraging, and knew how to motivate and “trick” me into pushing myself every session.  I learned to do core exercises as well as with free weights and machines.  Every session was a challenge.  There were always new exercises or increasing difficulties; never a dull moment and never a session that I didn’t think his ultimate goal was to break me (j/k).  The trainer also taught me how and what to eat, which was something I never thought much about.  I have a sweet tooth.  So the eating healthy part is actually harder than exercising more for me.   So far, I managed to cut down from desserts/ice cream/chocolate/sweets every night to at most once a week in small amount, and for the past 4 months I have never been to a fast food place.

I got to say I am not working and eating as “best” as I can or should yet, but the result is in.  I am starting to see some muscles and my endurance level improved dramatically.  From having trouble walking even 20 minutes to being able to walk for 6 hours, I am proud of myself. =)  Something unexpected happened while I exercised.  I got more energy, and I become happier as a person.  I smile more and laugh more, because I have energy now for work AND to have fun with friends.  Because I am proud of my hard work, I have more self confidence.  And, for the first time in years, I am not afraid to pick up a dress and put it on.   BTW, I still don’t have model-like body, or tight abs, slender legs whatever, but I am happy about myself now.  It’s like finding myself again.  I don’t need somebody to tell me that I look different, because I already feel the difference mentally.

After all these years, I am happy about myself, and happy with myself, finally.

I am feeling sick again today.  I took a sick day last week. I was so groggy that it took me 15 minutes to type two sentences to the manager.  Today I was a bit less groggy but still really tired.  My body is achy and sore.  I could feel a sore throat developing.  I was congested the whole night before that I could hardly sleep.  But tomorrow there is more training, and then the China trip.  I really hope I don’t get detained for quarantine…

New items adding to my to-bring list to China: Airborne, anti-bacterial wipes of some type, pain killer, cold medicine…  I might end up bringing my whole medicine cabinet with me.

Lay off situation at work is making me tense.  The company gave them two months notice before their last day.  Meanwhile, they are free to work on resumes, talk to recruiters, and go on interviews as needed.  How nice right?  I heard one person having phone interview one time, another had gone to interview a few times.  While they are being productive, I am buried in writing docs and feeling less productive.  I miss coding, miss intense debugging and finally come to the “I got you!” point.  I even miss solving problems in my dreams.  If I only had dreams  nowadays.

Violin has been lying at the exact same spot for a month without being opened or played.  I have been either getting sore from workout or pulling a muscle here and there.  And I am behind in all my favorite TV shows by at least a month on DVR.  With so much not going on, how could I still not being able to sleep?

I wish it would rain more at night; it drowns out my thoughts and sooths me somehow.  Even if I am awake, at least I could tell myself there’s a reason to, to listen to the rain.  I am tired, I just can’t sleep through the night.  Something is happening, I just haven’t figured out what.

I got a fobby cut, with bang, and got a highlight as well.  Gee, I haven’t had a highlight for years.  While sitting there with foil still in my hair I wondered how the color would turn out, if it would be too obvious and, too out of the place for work.  The whole time “toasting” my hair I kept my teeth shut and prayed…

Turned out not too bad I thought.  It looked like the haircut I got a number of years ago.  But, it sort of made me look a few years younger, too.  I have a training to present in a few weeks.  I wonder if people would take me seriously with non-traditional haircut.

Thinking too much about the haircut?  Of course.  It’s like haven’t danced ballet for years and now I gotta perform.  *sigh. Dreaded.

Another random thing I did under influence of lack of sleep, was to post 25 random things about me on Facebook.  I thought it was a silly idea when I read some of the other people’s.  but turned out, I got comments about them.  People actually read these kind of stuff?  Really?  Unexpected…

I was washing cups in the break room when a family of 3 walked in.  A dad, mom, and a little boy who’s probably 3 or 4 years old.  Dad said, “Wait, I am getting a water bottle”.  Mom repeated, “Daddy is getting you a water bottle.”

We have the vending machine type of soda dispenser, with brightly lit and larger than palm size buttons to push for selection.  People use it daily, pushing with their palms, a couple fingers, elbows, robotic like.  When the water bottle drops down, it makes a bit of rumbling noise, like a drunk person walking down the stairs I imagined, then the bottle gets to the bottom opening.

Suddenly I heard this chuckle turning to laughter.   The boy probably thought it was a magic, or a big toy.  It was loud and clear and heart-felt.   The mom looked at me with a smile, a little embarrassed I assumed.  While they were walking out, I thought of how happy that boy was, with the magic of the big vending machine 10 times of his size.

His happiness is so simple, laughter so true.  Oh, how I envy him.

That’s the part I don’t get growing older, why we just lose it.   It becomes inappropriate to be simply happy of little things around us.  When we say we are happy about something, it usually is something big, like getting married, buying a new car, new job, promotion, vacation, etc.  Why can’t we just say just because the flower bloomed, the sky is beautiful today, the trees putting on new colors, the peacefulness of a night?  Nobody talks about those any more.  And fewer and fewer people are noticing them.

To me, everyday, surrounded by people demanding and disagreeing, machines fighting against, stress from deadlines, tired.  But when I share food and goodies with friends, I sometimes find a little simple happiness in me.  Smoothness and richness of the dark chocolate, the smell of expresso, the after taste of green tea, the wonderful texture of mochi.  Oh, they are enough to make me smile for a while, until I am surrounded again by the busy schedule, broken AC, strange errors…

I tried taking Claritin-D, but that stuff takes a while to kick in.  Later I tried Zertec-D and loved it for a while.  Because it kicks in fast and stops almost all of my symptoms.  No more congestion! Yay!  Then I started to get insomnia.  My congestion is the worst at night time.  Without allergy medicine I cannot sleep.  But with Zertec-D, I would be just staring at the ceiling the whole nigh.  *sigh

A friend recommended Benadryl, said it helps to sleep.  It did.  The first night I took it, I was getting drowsy the 3rd hour or so.  I crawled to bed and was unconscious within minutes.  Then the next morning came.  I woke up feeling equally drowsy as 8 hours ago.  My legs were wobbling and my head spinning.  I couldn’t even walk straight.  I crashed right back to bed and was unconscious for another 4 to 6 hours.

So that’s my story.  Zertec-D makes me all hyper (almost mania). Benadryl makes me drowsy, unable to stay awake or concentrate on anything (even my favorite knitting!).

Now what?

But I managed to keep myself quite busy at home, very busy indeed. I got hooked on cross stitching most of last year, especially Margeret Sherry’s designs. There are so many adorable cat designs! I simply could not resist the temptation to collect all that I could get my paws on. And where else could I better find them than eBay, I say. So I did quite a lot of bidding and receiving few packages almost every other day for about two weeks. Then I stopped completely and quite suddenly. Why? I had just collected enough patterns that would take me years if not my entire life time to stitch! I got to upload pictures of some of the finished projects here. They can make any cat lovers go “OhhhhHHH” and “AwwwWW” in a second.