I had an excellent birthday this year. It was all I could ever dreamt of really, besides the all peaceful being-all-forgotten type which already happened last year of course.

I went with the co-workers to D&B last Thursday to pre-celebrate. That was fun! It was nice to be able to hang out with them outside of work, like friends! Because that was how I felt like being with them at work already, that we are more than just co-workers. Seeing them drinking was another highlight of the night. It was a casual thing for everybody… Even though some people did not drink because they couldn’t or didn’t want to, it was a chance for everybody to socialize and just, like one of them always said, chill.

I tried to stay away from birthday treats and presents. However, I still got a nice chocolate cake AND a wonderful thoughtful amazing mosaic that they put together. They used over 1000 pictures!! No wonder one friend had requested me to upload all the old event pictures online, and another one had been shooting pictures like a maniac for the past weeks. I was completely fooled! ^____^ What a pleasant surprise!!

Dad and mom both remembered my birthday this year, although mom couldn’t celebrate with me because she went back to China. She called a day in advance to say happy-birthday and my dad called as well. My aunt and two cousins remembered it, too, so we went for dim sum over the weekend. Interestingly a lot of people remembered my birthday this year… It just happened…

It’s a great year for me. ^__^ If I could “minus” the sore throat and the coincidental finals on the birthday week, I would be “perfectly” happy.

*sigh. Life just cannot be perfect. Can it?

I was reading my friend’s blog. She posted some lyrics, mentioned how those words sounded like how she was feeling. I think she is in love, yet not in a love relationship.

I somewhat feel sad for her. Yet who, could have easy relationships? Some relationships are more difficult than others. Some are sweeter, some more bitter and sour. Some make people smile; some make people cry. Even in the same relationship, there are up and down times. I’ve been there. I’ve had great and bad times. I smiled, laughed, cried, stressed, felt lonely, numb… Now life is more at peace when I am not emotionally devoted to anybody.

Is it selfish to not love another person when that person loves you? Is it a crime? Is it a sin, a guilt? Is it guilty to love somebody who does not love you back? Or emotions do not carry guilt, only actions do… Criminals are punished for their actions, not their thoughts. Does it mean that we are free to feel and to love? Why loving and not loving involve guilty feelings, then…

Babbling… I keep it on… Babbling alone, after midnight…

Thoughts surround me everywhere. I am tired, but they will not let go of me.

I wish I could feel how my friend feels right now. I wish I could be love sick. I wish I could love somebody now, yet I start to doubt my ability on it…

An old friend will be coming today. She is my junior high friend from China. I will be picking her up from airport, but I wonder if I will recongize her after being apart for 6 years… After all, six years are almost a quarter of my quarter-of-a-century life. How much I have changed in these years, how much she must have changed as well…