It’s hard to believe this for some people, yet true, I am still alive!

One user called me yesterday and left a message on my phone. “Haven’t seen you or talk to you for EVER, Sandy. Are you still alive? I mean, last time I heard you were sick, did you come back to work? Are you okay? Julie and Valerie said they saw you a few times, but I don’t believe them. Are you really still alive? Well, call me back if you are, because we got this problem here that we NEED you.. ”

Ha! I moved my office to the dungeon area two or three months ago. Nobody sees me walking alive around office any more because it is such an isolated area. How interesting that some people are already thinking ghost stories. ;P

Ya. I know I have not been rambling much here. So just want to drop by and say (in case you have been eavesdropping or spying) that I am still alive, sound and healthy. And.. happy. I am having the best time of my life right now. Forgive me for enjoying it so much and forgetting to update my blog. When I get enough sleep, I will be back here once again.

Peace.

I am sitting in the Relational Database Design class. I was so bored and sleepy that I put my chin on my hand. I must look sleepy.

The instructor suddenly looked at me and pointed at me to the whole class. “You work in Adcom right?” I nodded, chin still resting on my hand. Too bad, he remembered our conversation from last time. o_O’ It was then that I became fully awake. Now I can’t sleep in class because he will notice and know who I am!

I am falling into sleep though. I think I should go home early tonight and just sleep.. Too much sugar/dessert made me sleepy.

I don’t like spiders. I never liked them. I don’t hate them, I am just fricken scared of them. Yet here I am, sitting right next a thumb nail size spider on my lab keyboard. It’s alive!!! I blew air to it because I thought it was dead. Then it moved. It lifted its legs and moved two steps towards me.

SHIT!

Just got back from a nice long lunch with wonderful co-workers at our favorite Chinese restaurant. There I saw the phone light flashing. Uh oh.. messages. O_O

Not bad. 3 messages from teammates and users. That means… more work! I liked that. I could finally feel productive and energetic after a slow morning.

30 minutes into working with phone calls and IBM jobs and Unix scripts, I stood up to grab a print out. I suddenly felt my heart raced much faster and lightheadedness hit me. I almost fell back to my seat. I must have stood up too fast, I told myself.

I walked around the office as usual, rushing from hall to hall and turning slightly to the side in a half dancing fashion whenever I opened and past doors. Dizziness followed my every movement, making me tilt to one side or another every time I was near a wall. I had to purposely stand straight to not hit anything on my way. The sensation slowly penetrates my arms and legs, creeping coldness and numbness to the rest of my body. I didn’t know what was going on with me. I guess it happens sometimes…

I wanted to rest, sleep, or something, yet it would be a long night for me… So much to do still..

I don’t recall ever going to LA County Fair although I have been living in LA for over 10 years. I am not 10 years old any more, yet I am still curious what it has there after my little niece told me about her school trip to it for “educational purpose,” she emphasized.

So I went this year. Of course, I was intially more interested in Ken Oak’s performance there than anything else. =) Some friends have been talking about his live performances and seeing him in clubs for the past 6 months. I have to admit that after listening to some of his tracks I am impressed by his voice and talent. I wanted to see if his performance really lives up to my friends’ words. Curiosity was at work.

He was actually good! He could sing live, unlike a lot of the pop stars who only have the look to sell or could only do lip singing. And I could totally tell that he was a performer/entertainer, rather than those composers and lyricists working behind the scenes. His movement of the bow (elegant and exaggerating according to classical music standard), the swinging of his body, tipping chair (I was worried that he might fall a few times), the outfit, the expression (complete absorption in a different world that music has brought him to), told me that he is there to put up a good show for his audiences. Quite a good performance indeed. I think I would see his performance again next time when he’s back to LA. I liked his style. *^__^*

I forgot what it was like to be at a fair. It was crowded with people and lots of kids. A lot of kids with my height in fact. For once I felt fit in!! There were so many distractions there with tons of toys of my height, flashing lights, the smell of meat and bread and corn EVERYWHERE. I felt I was back to a kid, dragging daddy everywhere I went… So fun.

I haven’t gone clubbing for.. more than 6 months. I already forgot what it felt like to wait in line to get in the club, watching girls dressing Forever 21 clothes and glittering makeups over their face and bodies, and to adjust my heartbeat to be in sync with the music. I was a bit worried that I would be too tense again like the last time.

But all was good.

I enjoyed the relaxation of dancing and simply shaking my body with the beats without worrying what a fool I might look like. I could act buzzed or drunk without alcohol, perfectly blending into the crowd. Nobody would think I am weird or crazy if I laugh loudly or start crying with streaks of black makeup on my face. It’s a place where girls dress so prettily and move their bodies so wildly and seductively to impress guys or simply as an expression of their bodies and emotions. Every face every body under the club lights and influence of alcohol become irresistably pretty or handsome; illusion of life. Some people could finally be themselves; the real people. Such contradition exists on the same packed dance floor. Nobody could tell if those laughters or tears are real; nobody cares in fact. Once the party is over, the people are back to “normal” the very next day, for work, for friends, for family, or their pets.

Those clubs are strange places. In a way they fascinate me. In another way I find it hard to believe how many guys are just there to get girls; I could never get that.