Interesting book that I just finished. It is a very short and easy to read fun book called “He’s just not that into you.”

More often than not we are ovewhelmed by emotions and hopes, which prevent us to see what is really going on around us. This is especially true with girls who are in love. We want to be loved, hope that the mix signals that the guys give out mean what we “want” to be, therefore we create excuses for them to pretend that they still love us.

The truth is, do they?

If they only call us when they are lonely, if they always say they are busy, if they say they are not ready to commit in a relationship yet start to date other people, what kind of signal are they giving out? Aren’t they clear enough? Why do we still waste time on these heartless guys? Because we love them more than they love us, and we want to be loved, we desperately want to be loved. How pathetic, yet how true…

I must be the most pathetic person in the world. I would smile just by playing with my bettas! And I would open and close my mouth as quickly as my fishie as in competition! I wish I could flare like them….

I woke up by a sharp earache in the early morning. This is not a good sign. I think when I told the doctor that I had an ear infection, I forgot to mention that I do not respond to common antibiotics very well. Or is this normal? I have no idea. The last time I had an ear infection, which matches the description on WebMD, was more than 15 years ago. I could not imagine how a child could be able to bear this pain. God. I almost wanted to chop off my ear. Too bad, the pain came from the inside, somewhere deeper than where I could reach. I guess chopping wouldn’t do any good.

Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. – Mark Twain

I have been living in illusions, fantasies, and memory. When I saw this quote, I wondered if I was actually still alive. And if yes, how did I survive with these illusions, and managed to stay alived after waking up from the illusions everyday, only feeling the after taste of the happiness from dreams when reality caught up…